Back in December when I started blogging in earnest, I had a vague plan of building up a following, writing a book and making some money. As time went by, this blog gained a solid focus, a name change and some pretty cool people following it. I’ve been around the internet, reading blogs of other fiction writers. I’ve been having fun even on those days when I don’t write.
When I don’t write. Yeah, some of the people I follow write everyday. They’re working on multiple projects.
I found out recently that my forays into social media have been unproductive. People visit my blog once and only come back if I’ve participated in a linkup – otherwise they never come back. One person even wondered how serious I was about having a writing career with such a poor social media presence.
Most of the fantasy writers I follow are diligently working on books and short stories. They post articles reviewing movies and books, analyzing themes, archetypes, tropes and magic systems.
Other people I follow have college degrees (BA’s and Master’s) in some form of English. They are professional teachers and editors themselves now. Smart people. People who know what they’re doing.
What am I? I have a string of jobs on my resumé, none of which qualify me to be a writer. Grocery store clerk. Retail store manager. Convenience store manager. Machine shop inventory. Grocery store sales flyer proofreader. Auto technician.
I’ve been to three colleges and never finished a semester.
I’m intimidated. I feel stupid. I feel unworthy.
Natural writing talent can only take you so far, but I really don’t know anything about it.
I’m a fraud. A fake.
So, I’m going to do what I do best. What I always do when things get hard or I begin to self-doubt to the point of inaction.
I’m quitting.
I don’t belong among the likes of such wonderful and excellent people. Jessie Powell who eloquently explained the concept of “Show, don’t tell.” Nicole DeFelice whose blog about her spiritual journey (and other things) is so smart that I feel a fool when I comment on it. Kelly Sajonia who writes, teaches, photographs, runs websites and is a single mom. LB Gale and her analytic articles on all things geek. Cameron Garriepy writing, writing, writing. Lance Burson music expert and prolific writer. Ash Silverlock whose articles on fantasy books are so deep and revealing. The list could go on forever.
I don’t belong here. I don’t know what I’m doing.
I am not as good as you and it’s time to stop faking it.
UPDATE
When I wrote this post this morning, I was in a dark place. One that had been growing darker each day over the past weeks. I have depression and since I am unemployed, I can not afford medications or therapy. I am not apologizing for that. It is who I am.
I had no intention of fishing for compliments or good wishes from anyone. I puked my emotions and thoughts into my laptop, hit publish and then turned the computer off. If I knew how to disable comments on WordPress, I would have.
But I think fate had a hand in what happened today. My lack of 100% understanding of WP allowed you, the people I admire most on the internet, to show me what a fool I am. It had never occurred to me that the feelings of admiration were reciprocal.
As negative as this post is, I am not going to delete it. I’m keeping it as a constant reminder that I do matter to others. That there are people who do care and that I should be grateful for you all.
I am going to do my best to respond to each and every one of you. It is the least I can do in return for what you have done for me.
I hope you change your mind.
You are talented and I read every post.
Best wishes
Thank you, Lance. You are one that I admire for all that you do despite (or in spite of) your issues. Keep rockin’
What Lance said. You do belong here, just as much as any of us. The great thing about writing is that we can all come from various backgrounds. No one says you have to be a social media guru to be sucessful. A blog readership grows over time. Writing improves with every piece you write.
You have a foundation of readers. I, for one, would love nothing more than to continue to read your writing regardless of what you choose to do. And I know you’ll finish that first novel when the time is right. Sometimes these things take years to complete. I know mine probably will.
David, my wife and I joke a little about you. We call you my “Fan” (as in the only one I have) because of how outspoken you have been about my writing. Do not take offense!
I am beginning to realize that I do belong and perhaps you won;t have years to wait to see my book.
I certainly have become a fan of your writing. From one new writer/blogger to another, I believe in you. Keep at it, even when things seem like they are going nowhere!
Eric…have you been stealing my posts?
I have penned identical writes…they have since been deleted. I have no “training” nor do I have anything to offer with my words other than life experience and a messed up mind (one I’ve learned to be proud of) You need not be an networking guru, you need not have degrees to prove your worth. If you are like me, for some strange, yet to be explained reason, you are compelled to write…I don’t know why, I don’t know how, but I must…so too must you. Don’t quit…don’t let the work you’ve done here be in vane…let it evolve as it should. Don’t look to stars, don’t look to likes, don’t look to stats…those are NUMBERS…and we’re in it for the WORDS!
Tasha, I only know you through the 100 Word Song, and I am ashamed to admit that I have only read your entries for that meme and nothing more. Each and every one has blown me away with the amount of emotion you can pack into 100 words. You are the one I tried to emulate when I wrote mine.
Thank you for your words, both here and at 100 Word Song.
We’re a lot alike in many ways. I don’t have a degree (yet), and I always feel intimidated by the talented writers I’ve come to know since I started blogging. Add to that the fact that the only thing I seem to be good at these past few years is getting fired.
I hope you change your mind. I know I don’t comment often (at all?) but I enjoy your posts too. You are talented and, as long you really love doing it, you should keep at it.
Vinny, I was shocked to see you posting here. I had no clue you read my blog. None! I enjoy your work at Sprocket Ink immensely. Thank you for reading.
Eric, I have a news flash for you: your wretched self-loathing and desire to hurl your pen across the room is proof that you have the makings of a real writer. Don’t compare yourself to anyone but yourself. All those people you named (and I particularly like Lance B.) — what if they compared themselves to Shakespeare or David Foster Wallace or Alice Munro? Should they quit because they haven’t reached and will most likely never reach that level? Forget about the social media bullshit, write your best and keep getting better. Enjoy being a small part of a noble tradition. Remember all those who did it with a quill and parchment, with pencil and paper, with clunky typewriters. Social media is a distraction for the true writer. And you can be one. Cheers, Louise
Thank you, Louise. Seems to be a common theme in all the replies: forget SM. The only reason I brought it up is because there is a digital publishing company that wouldn’t even look at my work because I didn’t have enough Twitter, FB and G+ followers. Yeah, I know I took away the wrong lesson from that.
I hope you change your mind too. I may not comment each time I stop by, but I read often and have enjoyed your writing. You are very talented.
Tara, you are another 100 Word Songer that has driven me to write better simply by being awesome at it yourself. Thank you for reading.
Eric,
If you need to take a break from writing here to focus on your novel, that’s fine. Please don’t delete your blog. You will want to come back to it. I have taken breaks, had self-doubt, and more. We all have.
The reason to write is the joy and satisfaction you get from it, which is above readership. Don’t you have that feeling of sitting back and saying, “that’s awesome and I wrote that?” There are many days we also feel like we can’t string enough words together to form a sentence. That too is normal. But it isn’t a reason to abandon your writing.
I know you know authors who have no degree and are talented, wildly-successful authors. Having a piece of paper is not a measure of intelligence or talent.
Rethink quitting.
Kelly
Y’know what? I do get that feeling. But many years have to pass – so many that I have to have forgotten even writing it. It’s like discovering a new author. “OMG! I wrote this?! It’s awesome!” In truth, it’s how The Linden Tree came to be. I discovered an old scene I wrote long ago, thought it was great and decided to roll with it.
Thank you for everything you have done for me.
And than you for all you have done for me. It goes both ways, my friend.
That’s bs and you know it. I’ve always looked up to you because you didn’t care about the follows and all that crap. Who belongs anywhere anyways?
My resume is just as muddled as yours is. I can’t even read Aimee’s blog without a dictionary. I’d use a thesaurus if I even knew what it was…
If I don’t always read your stuff its because I’m just not into the fantasy stuff… Keep plugging away Eric. You’re our leader!
Thanks, Marie. I still don’t care about the follows (well, I do, but don’t tell anyone!). This was and is mostly an intimidation issue. Feeling inferior to the people I’ve chosen to surround myself with.
Thanks for believing in me.
When I read your work, I’m always taken aback with how well you string together words in a magical way. Recently, for example, your 100 Word Song that started with lilies in the rain and ended with the harsh reality of suicide. Blew. Me. Away.
I also recall the piece you wrote on Studio30 Plus “The Art of Wordsmithing” — It was one of the first pieces of your writing that I ever read…and I remember sitting in awe of the way your mind works…and the way you can communicate it using words. I remember thinking, “That guy is a WRITER.”
Please reconsider.
Thanks, Kimberly. I had forgotten I wrote that piece for S30P. Just went back and read it. That one was pretty hard to put together, trying to explain what my brain in doing in a micro-second.
Am I a writer? I know I’m reconsidering.
Are you crazy? Do you know that your comments on my blog make me think harder, question more, store new ideas for another day? You are one of the few who challenge me, who give me a different perspective. You make me feel a little dumb sometimes, too. That’s why we get along. (My mother asked me who the “smart man who always comments on your blog” is. True story.)
Do you know that I admire what YOU do because I could NEVER write what you write? That is what makes you a writer. You do something fantastic and unique. And you are one of the few writers who has choked me up with your posts.
I’m going to be really candid and a little crass here because I feel as though this post warrants it. FUCK social media. Fuck it. Fuck Twitter, and Analytics. WHO CARES what those things say? That is not what makes you a writer. If we go by that as a standard, no one reads me, either. And I don’t care. The minute you stop writing for you and you start writing for other people, you’re not a writer anymore.
An English degree makes one no more a writer than owning a calculator makes someone an accountant. You think the two pieces of paper I earned are what make me a writer? I have been writing (just like you) since I was a kid. Natural talent IS enough! Pieces of paper that say you are “smart” are not what make you a writer.
If you quit, so help me God, I’m rallying the Estrogen Brigade, and we’re storming the Storch Castle. That’s not a threat, it’s a promise. Don’t you DARE quit on us. We need you. And YOU need you. You need to write. Take a break, but don’t you dare go dark.
Out of all the comments here, I cried when I read this. Yeah, big hairy Cap’n Testosterone burst into tears. Cap’n Crybaby more like. Y’know why? Of all the people I mention you are the one I am the one most intimidated by. Your posts make me feel stupid and I struggle to even try and speak at your level. I suppose the mutual intimidation has benefited us both in the same way – we have more to think about and both feel challenged.
As to the “piece of paper” – it’s not about having that. It’s not about the “proof.” It’s about the classes and knowledge gained while earning that paper. I envy anyone who has studied English and Literature, people who have learned the in and outs. That’s what I meant.
Storch Castle is closed, the drawbridge is up and the moat is full of hungry alligators. Still wanna storm the place?
Wait, what?!? I thought MY brilliant, scholarly, relationship advice posts were intimidating to you because of the high level of awesomeness. ESPECIALLY the one where I admitted my success is based upon failure. Now I hear it’s all about NICOLE? Hmmm.
LMAO Kelly!!! He loves all of us equally, in our own special ways. :-p
To be honest, yes, your relationship posts are a bit intimidating. You know much more about it than I do. And success is built on failure in all things.
Estrogen > alligators.
Let’s not call it intimidation. Let’s call it challenging, as you said. Because intimidation means fear. I do not fear you. But I do absolutely admire you. So, let’s keep that going.
Right on.
Dear Eric,
You are an awesome writer. May I be blunt? OF course I may. This means I’ll say fuck a lot. Let’s look at this point by point.
1) I found out recently that my forays into social media have been unproductive.
You’re hovering over fucking Google Analytics aren’t you? If I read my Google Analytics stuff often, I’d be so fucking hysterical hysterical. My bounce rate is through the ROOF. Do not listen to the goddamned statistics. You have 437 e-mail subscribers. I have 35. I feel so fucking successful I could puke. OK, not really. I yearn to have 400+ readers. But seriously, the analytics don’t pick up on the people who read the e-mail, the WHOLE e-mail and don’t then click on the blog post. You’re not a failure. The numbers game so a flawed mess.
2) Most of the fantasy writers I follow are diligently working on books and short stories.
Weren’t you writing a book? Is it perchance stalled? “What the fuck do I do with them now, I just wrote myself into a corner” is normal. “Uh, I hate these people six weeks into the project” also normal. Would a brain session help?
3) Other people I follow have college degrees (BA’s and Master’s) in some form of English. They are professional teachers and editors themselves now. Smart people. People who know what they’re doing.
Fuck that shit. Piece of paper. A degree is a piece of paper that proves you can jump through hoops. My Master’s degree very nearly destroyed my writing. Bipolar was involved, but I can’t tell you how many people I’ve connected with since I wrote about my experiences with it who told me that they have completely lost their writing to grad school. I wish more than i can say that i had never EVER gotten the fucker.
There are SO many good writers who have no degrees. It is only recently that ‘good writer’ has consistently been associated with ‘has a degree’. Historically, the good writers had to get the fuck away from school to create. Why should that be different for you?
4) Jessie Powell who eloquently explained the concept of “Show, don’t tell.”
We write those columns over on S30+ to help people who are working on technique. In my case, on a particular technique. I learned how to explain it from reading others who explained it. And it is JUST ONE THING. One which you do exceptionally well, I might add. It presumes a blog entry which is trying to tell a story. Did you see my response to Tracy? It’s not the only kind of blog entry that grasps people.
I saw in your about entry that you found a lot of the parenting blogs vapid and therefore assumed your own parenting entries must be vapid. Horse-shit. Your parenting entries were strongly written and covered things that other parenting writers don’t. You might have been reading boring people when you were reading parenting blogs. And whoever they were, you don’t write like them
If you quit blogging, we Studio 30 plus women will show up EN MASSE in your blog’s backyard, without tents, without bringing our own booze, and we will commit a feminine blogicide intervention of drastical and horrific proportions. We will scribble on your blog walls, we will squat in the blog corners and pee. We’ll NURSE OUR BABIES ALL OVER YOUR BLOG, JUST EXACTLY LIKE THAT TIME MAGAZINE COVER. We will paint your picture with lipstick and dress your avatar in drag. It will happen.
Here just a couple of things you have which I completely lack.
1) Organization. HOW many weeks did it take me to learn how to send one fucking e-mail with ONE blogger write up? HOW did I have to revise the process because I’m INCAPABLE OF SENDING ONE E-MAIL A WEEK WITHOUT FUCKING IT UP?
2) You’re poised.
I’m not. Really not. I’m a great person, but seriously? Poise is not an adjective anyone will ever apply to me, even when I’m old and incontinent and ought to be wearing it. You manage editorial meetings with girl talk. I’ve been the only woman in a room full of men. I fuck it up every time. I cannot handle the testosterone rush.
Eric, if you quit, I promise to psychoanalyze your ass. And my degree is in LITERATURE, so you KNOW I’ll get it right.
Holy shit, Jessie, where do I even begin to respond to this?! Let’s go with, I don;t know how to work Google Analytics, I have 94 email followers not 400+, I never thought my parent posts were vapid I just didn’t want anyone else to think so, managing a meeting with “girl talk” is easy if you just let them talk, NOBODY is peeing ANYWHERE near my blog and …
Thank you. I think you’re awesome and you and my wife would get along great with those “potty mouths.” LOL
Why does it say 437 in the sidebar to the left where we can sign up to follow you?
That number also includes individual comment follows, FB follows and twitter followers. It’s a very misleading number and I don’t think I can have it display just the general blog follows.
Ah – makes sense. My technical ineptitude and ability to only halfass link my facebook and twitter handles into my blog appear to be an actual benefit now. I still think 94 is roughly 3x as many as I have and therefore very respectable.
I think everybody feels like this at some point, especially the lack of social media love. I feel especially down about my stats and my readership and my writing (so much so that I need to back the fuck away from the internet) about every 28 days, if you hear what I’m saying. You’ve been hanging out with women too much. Go take a break and do something manly. Your mojo will return.
Also, as several smart people have said to me, “Writers are people who write.” It’s as simple as that. Keep writing what you want to write, and try not to give a shit what people say about your social media prowess (I know it’s hard not to care). Hope you don’t quit permanently.
“Go take a break and do something manly.” The car could use and oil change …
Thanks, Tracy. It’s not the SM love, it’s that a few publishers refused to even look at my work based on the number of SM followers I had. I guess I should have looked at it as “their loss” and not “what am I doing wrong.”
Here are my ‘qualifications’ for commenting: a deep and abiding passion for reading since I taught myself to do it 33 years ago…here’s my comment: I look forward to reading whatever you’ve written as soon as I get an email it exists. I got pulled into The Linden Tree from the first paragraph. Like (it seems) everyone else, I want to write, wish it were my job. But you saying you don’t belong here means I don’t belong as a reader either, like I need a degree or an insane amount of output to justify having a valid opinion on what I’ve just read. If you don’t want to blog, that’s cool, but if you stop because you feel you don’t deserve a place in the pantheon of proliferation, I will be really disappointed that I don’t get to read them anymore.
Luckily for you, you’ll still get to read. Thank you for the support, Shannon.
I’ll be honest Eric, this was my first reading of your blog. I’ve seen you on Studio30 Plus, but hadn’t seen your blog. I’m not a reader of fiction blogs usually, so a lot of times I miss good writers because of that.
That being said, I read this blog post twice and it really makes me think a bit about the blogging world. In the end, I always ask myself this question – why do I blog? Is it for other people? Readers? Comments? Myself?
Some people can write endlessly. I’m jealous of that, too. I run two blogs – my personal and a niche blog. The niche blog has a group of writers, so it’s nice that I don’t have to do things all the time there. I also have a couple of ideas for books, but there’s so much work to do that I have only done the legwork.
One of the realities I have seen from blogging is the reciprocation process. You visit me, I visit you. I think, unless you are a major blogger, that’s how it works. I have a list of people I try and visit once or twice a week. In return, I see them visiting as well. But if people don’t come back, I don’t lose sleep. It’s my little spot on the web. Whether I get 50 page views a day or 500, it’s all good. Would I like more? Sure. But it’s not something I worry about. After all, I do it because I love writing and it’s a way for me, years from now, to look back and see what I did.
What people have in education and experience is nothing. I have a master’s in journalism. I have won several awards in my professional career. I was an adjunct instructor of English at a college. What does that get me now? A spot on the unemployment line hoping to find something else. But I write because I love it. Not because of accolades or anything else. Because I can do it and I love it.
Do you know how many people who have a Master’s degree or a Ph.D don’t know how to write in an engaging and entertaining way?
Many.
Have you thought about shifting things a little? Have your fiction, but put up some real-life things? Look at the jobs you’ve held. I would be willing to bet you have hundreds of great stories you could share, even if you had to mask names, places or something else. I’d read stuff like that every day. That’s what I like. Real world. And there aren’t enough blogs like that, I don’t think anyway.
You’re not a fraud or a fake. You just seemed to have lost your way. Take a deep breath. Smile. And realize blogging is supposed to be fun. Enjoy yourself and just go with it.
You do belong. Just tell yourself that and find the direction that will make you happy in blogging. Make it fun again. That’s what it should be about.
What a horrible way to get introduced to someone’s blog, huh? As I responded to a few others, it’s not the piece of paper I crave but the education that goes with it. I know how useless the paper is.
Thanks for dropping by. I wish it could have been under better circumstances.
Also this: http://lisawieldswords.wordpress.com/2012/07/27/seasonal-blogging-disorder/
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that I’ve known you longer than anyone who subscribes to your blog. And you’re right…there have been plenty of things over the years that you’ve quit. But can you honestly tell me that you’re not better off for it? Did you REALLY want to be a nuclear engineer in the Navy? Or an auto mechanic for the rest of your life? Or slog through 4 years of college to walk away with a useless piece of paper that says you spent a fuck load of money and STILL have no clue what you want to do with your life…..just like everyone else does? I call “BULLSHIT” on that.
Everyone doubts their abilities. I’ve been a “computer programmer” for 17 years now (I have an expensive piece of paper to prove it) and still feel like I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I CONSTANTLY run into people who are smarter than me, more innovative than me, and more passionate than me. And I’ve done the same thing….I’ve quit. A few times. Once I quit and moved to Tahoe for 4 years. Another time I quit and came back 8 months later. And even this week I’ve thought about quitting and doing something else (opening a local grocery store), especially since this past week has been really tough at work. But you know what? As much as I doubt myself from time to time, I enjoy this career and stick with it.
And you should do the same. Sure, you’re doubting yourself. But you love writing. And you love reading. To remove yourself from literature is wrong.
I hope you read every one of these comments to this post. These are people that only recently met you and are offering you better advice and encouragement than I can. Listen to them and don’t quit.
As for the social media thing, believe me, it’s crap. Have you ever LOOKED at the top trending topics on Twitter? Or which videos get the most hits? Yeah, that’s right….LOL cats, Snookie, and other horseshit like that. Want to know what’s considered a “successful” social media campaign by most companies? Somewhere around a 5% response rate. Don’t get caught up in the numbers game. They’re not indicitive of reality by a long shot.
If you do quit, I’m going to miss your posts. I have an RSS feed set up in Google Reader and see every one that comes out. I enjoy reading them. I think it’s good for you. And it’s also good for the people who come to read them.
I’m not going to make any flowery responses here but only say, you’re right. We need to get together soon. It’s been too long.
AND this http://writeitsideways.com/dont-quit-help-for-burnt-out-bloggers/
In response to your post:
http://scholarlyscribe.wordpress.com/2012/07/27/doubts/
I was thinking more on this on my way home from work….
How many books have you read over the years that contain a nice little side note, sometimes small, where the author extends their thanks to the people that kept them going, supported them, and offered them advice during their journey authoring their book? Countless times I’ve seen an “Acknowledgements” section where editors, publishers, friends, family and loved ones are recognized for their efforts in helping to keep the ship on course. Most writers don’t write alone. They require the support of others to see it to the end.
Here’s one from the book I’m reading now…
“The devil is in the details, they say.
A book this size has a lot of devils, any one of which will bite you if you don’t watch out. Fortunately, I know a lot of angels.
Thanks and appreciation, therefore, to all those good folks who so kindly lent me their ears and their expertise (and in some cases their books) so I could get all those little details right – to Sage Walker, Martin Wright, Melinda Snodgrass, Carl Keim, Bruce Baugh, Tim O’Brien, Roger Zelazny, Jane Lindskold, and Laura J. Mixon, and of course to Parris.
And a special thanks to Jennifer Hershey, for labors above and beyond the call…”
– George R. R. Martin, The Game of Thrones
That’s from a successful author. A FANTASY author, no less.
So no, you don’t have an editor or a publisher to lean on. But you do have a blog and people who read your writing. Perhaps we’re falling short, being too passive, and not providing enough feedback. I know I’m guilty of this and should you publish another blog post, I’ll try to do my best to be there.
Ha! I knew what book that was from the first line (I really do read books cover to cover). And again, you’re right. If ever I do publish a book, the readers of Sinistral Scribblings will get the biggest “Thank You!” of all.
Don’t quit! And don’t think for one minute that many of us don’t go through periods of exhaustion, disgust, self-doubt and long stretches of time wondering, “What the hell is all of this for??”
You’re talented. You’re smart. You’re worthy of doing this!
Thanks Brook. That means a lot. I kind of miss my time at BNV and wish I could fit you guys into my schedule.
I got here a little late, but I’ll throw my hat and $0.02 into the ring. You do belong here. There’s room for all of us. And you are writing.
Also? I’ve been blogging for nearly 6 years, and only in the last 24 months have I really hit upon communities into which I fit.
So stay put. Keep writing. We’re all reading, even if we don’t say so every day.
“We’re all reading, even if we don’t say so every day.” This I know – now. Thanks, Cam.
You wanna talk about unqualified? I’m a college drop-out, too. What’s worse. I’m also a high school drop-out. Quit in the 10th grade. What’s worse? I’ve homeschooled my kids for the past 10 years. Yeah. I’m a high school and college drop-out who is homeschooling her kids. If I looked at all the other homeschooling families around me over the years, it would have paralyzed me. Beat me down. Humiliated me. Made me doubt myself and my abilities. I’d have probably sent my kids back to school. But I purposely chose to keep myself far away from the homeschooling fray. I had shit to do. Shit that did not involve psyching myself out. My kids are about 2 years from flying the coop and despite my glaring ineptitude, they are brilliant. Well. I guess I should go for the whole truth since I’ve gone this far. Yeah, well. I didn’t teach my kids a goddamned thing. They’ve never cracked a textbook. Never taken a test. Never even sat in a classroom until they took driver’s ed last year. And guess what? My 17-year-old is about a month away from taking his GED and starting college. He bought a GED book online 2 months ago. TWO MONTHS. He taught HIMSELF everything most people learn in TWELVE FUCKING YEARS. He could have looked at all the other kids he hangs with. He could have psyched himself out when his friend down the street talked about algebra and calculus. But those kids aren’t him. And all the other moms aren’t me. You are not Jessie or Cameron or Nicole or Lance. It takes me a couple HOURS to figure out how to respond to Nicole sometimes. Lance totally blows me away with his dedication and stick-to-itiveness. Jessie’s understanding of process and editing is tremendous. It is Marie’s unrelenting sunshiney soul that not only breathes life into her stories, but makes her a natural self-starter and networker. Because she is Marie. You are not. You are Eric. I don’t know dick about publishing, either. Or networking. Or self-promotion. I am a terrible blogger when it comes to replying to comments. I only read and comment on other people’s blogs when I feel moved to do so. I use statcounter and get excited when I see ANY visitors AT ALL. Most of my readers come from prompts, too. I have a few regulars and I treasure every single one of them. I know how to play with words because I’ve literally been writing creatively since I was 4 years old. Because that is me. I am not you. YOU are you. You wanna know my downfalls? I have what I like to call “prodigy or nothing” syndrome. Since I was a kid. If I am not “discovered” as a writer (or anything else I do) and recognized as a prodigy with raw talent, then I quit. Why should I bother working and practicing when there are so many prodigies out there who will always win? Why should I promote myself and constantly throw my talents in people’s faces when, if I was good enough, they would find ME. How fucked up is that? I did it in band. I wanted to go to Julliard. Yeah. I quit. Took too much time and practice to only be average. Who knows where I’d be if I stuck it out? Another downfall? For the past 6 or 7 months I have developed a paralyzing, irrational fear of death. I have panic attacks. I cry. I stop cold in the middle of stores and break out in a sweat. Night time is the worst. It’s an inevitability I cannot run from. I tried to talk about it with my mom on the phone the other day and I could not even SPEAK. I fell apart. Totally fell apart. Just trying to talk about it. Writing saves my sanity. Running saves my sanity. My family and my kids. Hell, FACEBOOk saves my goddamned sanity. Here’s the deal. If you give up, you are giving up on yourself. You have then effectively taken any possible chance of achieving your goals away from yourself and stepped on them. As long as you feed your passion, possibility exists. Giving up on yourself is the ONLY way you will fail.
Wow, Aimee, I never expected to hear from you. I didn’t think you read my blog – your writing is on a whole other level than mine. Like Marie, I need a dictionary to read your stuff (I also think I told you at one time that I have a hard time “getting” poetry too). I know everybody has their own demons of varying degrees – face it, we’re artists, aren’t we all a little (a lot) fucked up in some way?
Our demons make us unique, brilliant writers Eric.
Unique, yes. Brilliant? Only to a select few – Hemingway for example
Dear God. Please don’t quit us, Eric. I’m so incredibly sorry I didn’t comment on this earlier in the day. This post simply broke my heart. Don’t you dare leave us. Whether or not you have the followers you want, or the numbers you need, or the paperwork you feel would validate, know always that you have raw talent and so much intelligence… something a degree won’t buy but life experiences will help to create. You should also know that sometimes I’m intimidated to comment here as you are with some of your favorites.
You read my post not too long ago on S3P about my anxiety… and though I didn’t refer to it there, I struggle with depression, too. But you know what? Don’t fear fear. Don’t fear failure. Don’t allow your doubts to cloud your vision. I am immensely grateful to you for your friendship through S3P and for your wise words of wisdom. You left a comment on my blog some time ago, and I felt like I must have done something right to have you stop by.
I would be incredibly sad if you left us.
But you’re entitled to have days like this. Just don’t let them become you. You are worth so much more than that.
We good here? Because Nicole and I are ready to storm up to your place and camp out. Not even kidding.
We’re good. No storming required. Thanks, Pixie.
Glad you are in a somewhat less dark place now. I came over from Marie’s post.
Some people want a Sardi’s celebrity wall while blogging. I tend to stay away from those. Too many moments of true obviousness.
Millions will watch an erectile dysfunction commercial if it is on during the Super Bowl, but….
Barrel through the thundercloud gray, & feelings of inadequacy..because some of your stuff here is quite good.
Thanks for dropping by, Mary and for your encouraging words.
Well I can honestly say I’ve know you longer than anyone here and they are all correct YOU DO BELONG HERE. I think I’ve known for years that writing is what you were met to do. You truly have alot of amazing friends here and you should listen to them.
I feel responsible for your affection to fantasy fiction. You know you can call my cell anytime if you are looking for ideas, I may not have what you’re looking for but I may light that spark. Also, you can send me anything you are looking for input on, unless you say you want input I’m assuming it is for my reading pleasure.
Keep writing ERIC keep writing you brought tears to my eyes.
Dad
Thanks, Dad. You know I’ll will show you every stage of the book as I go and will welcome any input you have.
I’d suggest whiskey. Something tells me he knew I was going to say that. I’m pleased that you are staying in the ring amigo. Listen, I’m starting to think that some of the best writers around are those that bleed well. You are one of them. Go figure that one out and hurl some abuse my way anytime you feel like it. See you around the block.
Not a big whiskey drinker. I prefer dark beers or spiced rum. When the booze no longer keeps the demons at bay is when I get like this.
Everybody loses faith in themselves at some point, I doubt if there too many aspiring authors out there that can’t relate to this post, I’ve felt like it myself often enough too, but thats what they say isn’t it? – A professional writer is just an amateur that didn’t quit.
Thanks, DS. I’m not quitting now. In fact, I’m determined to forge ahead regardless of what my swiss-cheese brain is telling me.
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Ok, I’m just getting here from S30P. Admittedly, I don’t know you, and I haven’t read all the comments so if I repeat what someone else has said, it’s a sign you should hear it twice.
College degrees do NOT qualify one to write. They may quality one to TALK about writing, or perhaps to TEACH writing. But the thing that qualifies a person to actually WRITE is just plain life. You worked in a grocery store, great! I know from personal experience that any type of retail environment is a perfect place to observe human behavior at its finest AND at its worst and what is writing if not putting your observations down on paper?
And you’re worried about faking it. Umm…I gotta know, what exactly are you faking? Orgasms? That’s your business. If you think you’re faking writing, you’re off your beam, sir. Writing just is. There is no faking writing. You’re either writing something, or you’re not. And if you’re here, on your blog, writing something, then you’re writing. You don’t have a book published yet? Neither do millions of other writers. That doesn’t mean they’re not writers! Y’know, Stephen King never had a book published either, until he did.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to go read all the stuff you’ve written or faked or whatever. If what all these people have said can be trusted (and I’m sure it can be!) I think I’m going to enjoy this!
Keep doing what you do.
Thanks, Vicki! Clearly, I haven’t given up, but I’m hanging on to this post to remind me that what I do is having an impact (granted it’s a small one).